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Is PMS making you feel like an emotional tornado with a side of cramps? Or maybe like an overloaded shopping cart with one wonky wheel—barely holding it together but still making it down the aisle? Before you write off your luteal phase as a total disaster, let’s talk about how to actually work with it instead of against it.
When Your Partner Doesn’t Know How to Show Up for You
Picture this: you’re in the middle of your luteal phase, emotions running high, and you get into an argument with your partner (or anyone you're really close to). Maybe you’re craving validation, support, or just for them to say the right thing (for once!). Instead, they get defensive, dismiss your feelings, or try to “fix” things when all you really need is to be heard. Now, on a good day, you might brush it off—but in this state? It feels like a full-body betrayal.
Here’s the thing: just because your partner isn’t showing up as their best self doesn’t mean you have to match that energy. You can still choose how you respond. This is where self-soothing becomes your superpower. When you're feeling triggered, instead of going full volcanic eruption (tempting, I know), reach for your self-care tools. Use grounding techniques, take a moment to regulate, and remind yourself that you can meet your own emotional needs first.
The luteal/premenstrual phase, or what we refer to as Inner Autumn, is a time when energy dips, emotions feel heightened, and the need for self-care becomes undeniable. Instead of resisting this phase, what if we embraced it? PMS isn’t your enemy—it’s your body’s way of asking for attention and nourishment.
This is the perfect time to slow down, turn inward, and practice deep self-soothing and self-care techniques that help regulate emotions, restore balance, and honor your body’s needs. Let’s build your PMS battle armor—because when the luteal phase arrives, it’s time to go in prepared, not panicked. Think of this as gathering your ultimate self-care toolkit, stocked with everything from breathwork and movement to oils and crystals. Ready? Let’s dive in.
Two Ways to Shift or Transmute Intense or Stuck Energy
Ever notice how your body physically holds onto stress? Tight shoulders, clenched jaw, that buzzing restlessness that won’t let you sit still? That’s stuck energy—unprocessed emotions hanging around in your system like unopened emails. Movement is one of the fastest ways to clear it, and practices like Qi Gong and Dance Therapy help shift tension, regulate emotions, and bring your nervous system back to a state of balance.
So what are they exactly?
Qi Gong (pronounced “chee-gong”) is an ancient Chinese practice that combines gentle movement, breathwork, and meditation to cultivate and balance the body's energy, or Qi (life force). Rooted in Traditional Chinese Medicine, it has been used for thousands of years to promote physical health, emotional balance, and spiritual awareness. Think of it as a moving meditation—one that grounds you, calms the nervous system, and helps you process emotions before they turn into stress or burnout.
Dance Therapy is the practice of using expressive movement to process emotions, release tension, and reconnect with the body. Rooted in the idea that movement and emotions are deeply linked, it helps transform stress, anxiety, or stuck energy into flow—allowing you to move through what words can’t always express.
1. Using Qi Gong & Dance Therapy for Emotional Release
Sometimes, after an argument where your partner shuts down or stonewalls you, the energy inside feels electric, overwhelming, and stuck—like a shaken-up soda can. The goal is to release that internal pressure before you explode.
💨 Why it Works:
Qi Gong focuses on clearing energy blocks in the body's meridians, helping regulate emotions like anger and frustration.
Dance therapy allows you to physically express unprocessed emotions, shifting tension into movement rather than letting it fester.
Both practices stimulate dopamine and serotonin, which naturally lift your mood and help you feel lighter.
✨ How to Practice:
If you're feeling overwhelmed and stuck, try Qi Gong: Stand with feet hip-width apart, shake your arms gently, and visualize the frustration flowing out of your hands. Tap along your chest, arms, and sides to stimulate meridians and restore balance.
If you’re feeling fired up and need a release, turn on a song that matches your emotions and dance it out. Stomp if you need to. Shake if it feels good. Let your body process what your mind can’t yet untangle.
Bonus: Imagine shaking off all the frustration, disappointment, and unmet expectations right onto the floor where they belong—not inside you.
Grounding Techniques to Get Your Frontal Cortex Back Online
PMS can amplify emotional sensitivity, and when triggered, your reptilian brain takes over—hello, fight-or-flight mode. And let’s be real: crocodiles don’t meditate. They react and devour anything close to them. 🐊
But you, my friend, are not a crocodile. You have a frontal cortex, which means you can get yourself back to center before you say something you regret.
1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Method
A simple technique to calm your nervous system when you feel your breath shortening and you’re about to stomp over and give your partner a piece of your mind. (Spoiler: That will probably only make things worse). Both of you need to get grounded and re-engage your rational thinking.
Here's what you do:
👁 Look for 5 things you can see (focus on colors and shapes).
🖐 Touch 4 things around you (notice texture, temperature).
👂 Listen for 3 sounds (near or far, soft or loud).
👃 Smell 2 things (essential oils, fresh air, fabric scent).
👅 Taste 1 thing (sip tea, bite chocolate, brush teeth).
Why it Works: Redirects focus to the present moment, shifting away from spiraling thoughts and bringing immediate relief. And let’s be honest—who doesn’t love a mindfulness exercise that ends with eating chocolate?
The Power of Deep Breath: Reset & Regulate
Breathing is one of the simplest yet most powerful tools we have for calming the mind and regulating the nervous system. Deep, intentional breaths signal safety to the body, helping to reduce stress, lower cortisol levels, and bring clarity to the mind. When emotions run high, breathwork acts as an anchor, bringing you back to center.
In fact, it is one of the foundational eight limbs of yoga, known as Pranayama, which translates to “control of life force.” Through conscious breathwork, we can expand our energy, balance emotions, and create a deeper connection between mind and body, making it an essential practice for overall well-being.
Square breathing, in particular, is like a built-in reset button for your nervous system. By following a structured rhythm of inhaling, holding, exhaling, and holding again, you engage the parasympathetic nervous system, shifting out of fight-or-flight mode and into a state of calm focus. Now, let’s dive into how to practice it.
2. Square Breathing
Once you’re grounded, it’s time to breathe yourself back to a rational and uplifted state. Square breathing is like a reset button for your nervous system, helping shift you out of reaction mode.
🌊 How to Practice:
Inhale for 4 counts ("I am safe.")
Hold for 4 counts ("I am supported.")
Exhale for 4 counts ("I am enough.")
Hold for 4 counts ("I love myself.")
Why it Works: Breath control activates the parasympathetic nervous system, shifting you out of fight-or-flight mode into calm and regulation. Plus, repeating affirmations makes your brain actually believe them—science is cool like that.
Essential Oils & Crystals for Extra Support
Let’s be honest—some days call for an extra layer of support. Maybe your stress levels are sky-high, your energy is in the basement, or you just need something (anything!) to help you feel a little more grounded. Enter the world of essential oils and crystals: nature’s dynamic duo for balance, clarity, and an overall vibe upgrade. Whether you need a burst of focus, a dose of calm, or a mood reset, these ancient tools work with your body’s energy, not against it. And no, you don’t have to be a full-fledged “woo-woo” believer to benefit—just open to the fact that nature has been offering us these remedies for millennia.
Essential Oils: Nature’s Potent Plant Medicine
Essential oils are concentrated plant extracts that pack a serious punch when it comes to supporting emotional, physical, and mental well-being. By interacting with the limbic system—the brain’s emotional control center—they can shift stress levels, boost immunity, and bring balance to hormonal fluctuations. Whether diffused, inhaled, or applied topically, essential oils offer a simple but powerful way to bring more calm, clarity, and vitality into your daily routine. Think of them as tiny bottles of plant-powered magic, here to help you stress less and feel your best.
1. Clary Sage 🌿
Helps regulate hormones and ease menstrual discomfort.
Calming properties help soothe anxiety and tension.
Encourages emotional balance and relaxation.
✨ How to Use: Add a few drops to a carrier oil and massage onto your lower abdomen or diffuse in your space.
2. Lavender 💜
Reduces stress, anxiety, and promotes deep relaxation.
Supports better sleep and calms the nervous system.
✨ How to Use: Apply to pulse points, mix into a warm bath, or diffuse before bedtime.
Crystals: Tools for Balance, Healing & Alignment
Crystals are used in energy work because they naturally hold and emit vibrational frequencies that can interact with our body's energy field, or aura, to promote balance and healing. Each crystal carries unique properties based on its composition, color, and structure, making them powerful tools for clearing blockages, amplifying intentions, and aligning chakras. They can be placed on the body, used in meditation, carried throughout the day, or even incorporated into spaces to shift energy and enhance well-being. By working with crystals, individuals can tap into their stabilizing and transformative energies to support emotional, spiritual, and physical harmony.
1. Moonstone 🌙
Known as the stone of feminine energy, Moonstone supports hormonal balance and emotional flow.
Helps soothe irritability and promotes inner peace.
✨ How to Use: Wear as jewelry or hold during meditation to connect with its calming energy.
2. Lepidolite 💜
Contains natural lithium, which helps stabilize mood swings and ease anxiety.
Encourages deep emotional healing and stress relief.
✨ How to Use: Keep it by your bedside or hold it while practicing breath-work.
Affirmations: Reinforce Once You're Grounded
Affirmations are like training wheels for your mindset—guiding your thoughts in the direction you want them to go until they become second nature. But here’s the catch: if your nervous system is in full-on survival mode, repeating affirmations is like trying to convince a stressed-out crocodile to take up meditation—it’s just not gonna land. To make them truly effective, use affirmations after grounding yourself, so your mind is open and ready to reprogram your inner dialogue into something that actually supports how you want to think and feel.
✨ “I don’t need to react immediately—I can take my time.”
✨ “My emotions are valid, and I don’t need outside approval to feel them.”
✨ “I can set boundaries with love and clarity as well as create space for peace in my
interactions.”
✨ “Even in tough moments, I am still worthy of kindness—especially from myself.”
✨ “Even when I feel triggered, I choose to respond with clarity and self-compassion
Mantra: The Power of Sound & Thought
Mantras and affirmations both shape the mind, but they work in subtly different ways. Affirmations are intentional statements that help rewire thought patterns, training your brain to focus on what you want to believe. Mantras, on the other hand, are sound-based vibrations, often in Sanskrit—the ancient yogic language of sound and energy (though they can be in any language). Sanskrit mantras have been used for centuries in yogic traditions to activate and balance the chakras, the body’s energy centers, which influence everything from creativity and confidence to intuition and inner peace. While affirmations work on a conscious level, mantras engage the subconscious—using rhythm and repetition to quiet mental chatter, harmonize the body, and create a deep sense of clarity, balance, and connection within.
Mantra for the Week: Renewal and Release
This week, let your breath be your guide.
✨ Inhale deeply and silently invite in renewal
—fresh energy, new possibilities, and clarity.
✨ Exhale slowly and whisper or say aloud release
—letting go of tension, old patterns, and anything that no longer serves you.
Feel the vibration of your voice as you repeat the rhythm, allowing it to bring you back to a state of grounded presence.
For a Sanskrit alternative, try:
"So Hum" (सो ऽहम्) — Meaning "I am that", this mantra helps cultivate self-awareness and connection, making it a beautiful complement to the energy of renewal and release. Inhale "So" (I am), exhale "Hum" (that), letting each breath guide you into balance and flow.
Final Thoughts:
Your Inner Autumn is not a time of weakness—it’s an opportunity for deep reflection, release, and renewal. It’s also a time to level up in how you communicate, set boundaries, and honor your emotions without letting them control you. Because honestly, if our bodies are throwing a tantrum, at least we can show up and listen. Just because others may struggle to show up for you doesn’t mean you can’t show up powerfully for yourself.
By embracing self-care and self-soothing practices, you can navigate PMS with more ease, grace, and understanding. And hey, at the very least, it’s the perfect excuse to prioritize naps, snacks, and playing with pretty stones.
Do you have a game plan to win PMS week? Share your best self-care strategies in the comments below! 💛✨
I definitely needed this --this week!